We are upon the half way point to this year and so much has happened that is worth discussing. Like Justin Bieber became so popular on Twitter that Twitter had to ban his ass from the trending topics list (thank fucking God), Michael Jackson's 1 year deathiversary (This is going to be more annoying than that Elvis shit), and natural selection took care of most of the Gulf of Mexico's unwanted sea life.

But we all know about those media hyped bullshit stories! We have been beat to death with them and I, for one, am tired of the mainstream fuckery that drowns us like that bitch did to her children in the movie "Shutter Island". No that was not a spoiler. A spoiler would be telling you that Leonardo was actually a fucking inmate and his cop partner was one of his backstabbing doctors trying out a radical new treatment that ended up not fixing the issue.

So let me touch on a few of the lesser know happenings that occured during 2010 up to this point.

First off, those aliens finally landed in Hoboken. But the fascinating part of the story is that all they came here for was a good recipe for shrimp fried rice. They were given directions to China town and where to pick out some fresh kitten meat.

Doctors finally discovered a cure for ugly. Amazingly, all it took was a shit load of bullets and the enlistment of some of the most insane fuckers in out penal system. Turns out there was a flaw in their training though. Once unleashed, they realized that they themselves were ugly and massacred each other before getting out of the parking lot.

Global warming was damn near confirmed as a myth, but because Obama was high on crack and 2 bottles of White Zinfandel, the reporter he called at the New York Times was told to dismiss the story by his publisher. It was not a total loss, the fact that Obama was drinking White Zinfandel made him lose most of his street cred.

New Kids on the Block held a huge concert in New York at Radio City Music Hall to the major delight of their life time fans. If you think I am going to joke about this one, you have not seen my Twitter follow list. I'm crazy, not fucking suicidle! Besides I like @JonathanRKnight. He is a crazy mutha fucka!

Famous Twitter member @DDubsChica finally came out of her shell and decide to randomly send nude pics of herself to her followers. I was not on her list, but I hear that the images were professional, tasteful and could almost be considered art. Except for that one where she takes it from 18 obese midgets sporting full body camo paint. If you have a copy of that one, I am willing to pay.

Last of the small news items I would like to touch on is the advancement that has been made in the field of penile enlargement. Well, not really enlargement, but replacement. Since doctors and scientist failed so miserably with the ugly cure, they found themselves with a HUGE supply of surplus tally-whackers. I quickly signed up and secured 2 fine specimens. Why? What man would not want to perform a DP all by himself?

What will the second half of 2010 bring? Ask the Mayans...I'm banking on them being right about everything!

Peace and go fuck yourself!